My two cents worth ...

Standing Tall

2008-06-26T12:38:00.001+08:00

...We were taller, yes, but you always cast the longer shadow.
Because you were more faithful to your ideals.
Because you had the guts to turn your back on what you had because you always felt that you had something better to do.
Because you refused to let your ideas fade.
Because you stayed on in the forest, rooted to the ideals you felt were more than all the good life had to offer.
We stand under that shadow no.
We will be standing under that shadow for some time to come.
And while standing under your shadow, Edjop, we will try to understand how and why it had come to this.
In the final analysis, we may not agree with what you died for...You died believing in what you lived for and that is an honor we may never even have the privilege of sharing...

Freddie Salanga, Eulogy for My Friend, Edjop
(Mr. & Ms.magazine, October 12, 1982)
Reproduced in Edjop, The Unusual Journey of Edgar Jopson by Benjamin Pimentel, Jr.

Insubordination

2008-06-08T22:35:00.005+08:00

I dont think so. I disagree. I don't know if you appreciate my aesthetics like others do. Why cant you step down from your high horse and understand why I do this? You mock me with your smoothly polished sarcastic glare. Yet I am blindly happy. I do all the painstaking work on each point, trying to find that creative AHA moment. Dragging heels and fingernails is easier than swallowing a happy pill. Don't you dare sweeten each stroke with a fiery red flag, I know your moves. Tough luck, I will win this time. (Conversations with Maya 2008)

Il Postino - Pablo Neruda

2008-04-01T00:45:00.002+08:00

If you forget me
I want you to know one thing
You know how this is

If I look at the crystal moon
At the red branch of the slow autumn at my window
If I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
Or the wrinkled body of the log
Everything carries me to you
As if everything that exists - aromas, light, metals
Were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me

Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you, little by little

If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember.... That on that day, at that hour
I shall lift my arms, and my roots will set off to seek another land

But... If each day, each hour
You feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness
If each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me
Ahh my love, ahh my own
In me all that fire is repeated
In me nothing is extinguished or forgotten
My love feeds on your love, beloved
And as long as you live it will be in your arms
Without leaving mine

Discord.

2008-03-16T05:18:00.003+08:00

In the throes of confusion, I realize every single nuance removes me from who I am. I forget that I can stand on my own, covered in onion skin yet sturdy as a bark of a tree. Tempted to run away from all that reminds me of that fateful period, but steadily growing in my dependence. How easy it is to tell everyone that youre fine. How easy it is for everyone to tell you the same thing. To pull strength from within and not from people you love. Again, another feat to surpass. I lay here waiting, teethering on completely throwing everything away and starting fresh. If this is a test on how strong and patient our heart is, let it not be forgotten how human we are. That we all make mistakes. That waiting is the most difficult task to undertake.

Part 1.

2007-12-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

Have you ever realized what is important to your family/friend/lover is not as important to you? There are things in life that drives him/her and disappoints her but to you its not a huge deal. Maybe we are just all programmed to be dreamers. The way we want to live our lives isn't the way we live it. The way we see things, the way we want to get recognized for the efforts,are always undermined by that fantasy. I am in way too deep but still dreaming. Nothing comes close.

Kundiman

2007-11-14T02:59:00.000+08:00

Still trying to get the lyrics of this lovely filipino song.

Himig ng kundiman ay naririnig
Awit ng aking pagibig..

Dinggin mo ang awit
Matayog na pangarap
Kailan may aagos ang himig ng aking buhay sa yo
ay alay ko ang pagibig na walang hanggan

Iyong pakinggan..

a song.

2007-11-01T04:57:00.000+08:00

What we have in our midst, everyday just makes it all the more worth living. I could not fathom how much we've grown together, with every wrong and right. You complete the heavens in my heart. There are no words to explain, no song to define this. You are my light.

" I am tired and weak but I am strong for you" Ally Kerr.

My Mushishiman

2007-11-01T04:55:00.000+08:00

I walked ten thousand miles, ten thousand miles to see you,
And every gasp of breath I grabbed at just to find you,
I climbed up every hills to get, to you,
I wondered ancient lands to hold, just you.

And every single step of the way, of pain,
Every single night and day,
I searched for you.
Through sandstorms and hazy dawns I reached for you.

I stole ten thousand pounds, ten thousand pounds to see you,
I robbed convenient stores coz I thought they'd make it easier.
I lived off rats and toads, and I starved for you.
I fought off giants bears and I killed them too.

And every single step of the way, of pain,
Every single night and day,
I searched for you.
Through sandstorms and hazy dawns I reached for you.
I'm tired and I'm weak, but I'm strong for you.
I wanna go home, but my love gets me through.

Colorblind - Counting Crows

2007-09-26T04:37:00.001+08:00

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

Unfolding

2007-09-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

I am covered in skin

No one gets to come in.
Pull me out from inside.
I am folded. and unfolded. and unfolding.

A beautiful song by the counting crows. So little is said, so impressively simple. Quite definitive as you trudge on every day, doing what you have to do to get by. The act of unfolding a soul is a heart-wrenching ordeal. Only if you're prepared to face the scalding heat, only if you know this is right for you.. its the only time you can embrace yourself. To expose yourself to pain, to love yourself despite misgivings, to forgive your own wrongdoings.. A feat for the coward, a puzzle to the young and clueless and a nirvana for those who seek it. The best part of life is loving without boundaries because you can.

Isang Paghihimutok

2007-09-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

Naninikip ang aking puso. Pilit binubuksan ng tadhana ang malalalim na sugat, na akala ko'y natikom na. Di ko alam kung bakit masakit. Di ko alam kung maniniwala pa ako. Mahirap umibig ng malayo. Bawat gabi, tinatanong ko na lang sa sarili ko kung tama bang nandito pa ako. Sana may tapang pa kong harapin ang bukas. Kung hindi ka para sa habambuhay, sana malaman ko na ngayon. At sana maging gabay itong pagsisisi at paghihinagpis sa mga nararating na panahon. Ang hirap talaga pag di ko naririnig ang tinig mo. Tuwing kausap kita, parang mas kalmado ako. Kaso hanggang kailan tayo magiging ganito? Bukas? Sa isang taon? Sa totoo lang, nakakapagod. Nagbabadya nang lumipad ang damdaming inaaruga ng puso. Landas ko'y napapariwara. Bakit ang hirap umibig ng wala?

Back from Bangkok

2007-08-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

Im finally back from Bangkok and Koh Tao, Thailand. It was wonderful to see new sights, new people and cultures. The one week long trip with my sister was refreshing and enlightening. I think I would need breaks like that every 4 months or something. Work really hard, then sit back and experience new things. Now I am calm, still slightly defocused but at least I've answered some nagging questions and fears before I left. I think next trip I will be going alone. Im going to see the world and come back with renewed spirits. Thank you for this wonderful trip. Each day spent knowing people, myself, and my relationship with my sister. :)

Photos are here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/osay/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/osay2/

A Lifeless Fan.

2007-08-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

I've lost my creative spark and motivation. For about a month, I have been focused on other people's lives, passions, cultivating their needs and helping them grow. Now I've painted myself into a corner and the only way is up to the ceiling. Supporting someone shouldn't be as draining as this. Is it selfish to seek out affirmation sometimes? Above the din of constant companionship, do you sometimes long to speak and be heard? I'm sorry I speak softly and it takes awhile for me to think of anything brilliant to share. Blaming anything isnt an option nor is jealousy. After all the talk and reasoning, I still don't feel an effort. I'm going to let you shine and fly to your passions. It's your time. Going to seek comfort in my corner for a bit. Get my balance. Go back to nurturing me. I cant be sitting around just watching, I wont be a lifeless fan.

The fuss about creativity

2007-07-23T16:26:00.000+08:00

By claudia luthi
18 July 2007

What does creativity means? Looking up this word, one will find a thousand definitions. In the realm of art opinion and criticism it stands for the maximum reward. They love to talk about "his or her creative process", "creative power", "creative vastness", "creative freedom" etc. But in no other field they make such a fuss about creativity than in photography. It seems that to take a camera and press the button is an act too simple and easy to be considered creative. Whereas, in painting, for example, to mix colours on a palette is ususally already defined as a "creative process". So, where begins a photographer to be creative? Is it before he presses the button? Is it afterwards, in the darkroom or editing it on his computer? How ever one might answer this question, the mistery remains. In common opinion, creativity is usually asociated with an exceptional mental, emotional or spiritual, and physical activity, combined with skill and know-how. "Creativity", so it sounds almost always to me, is a lot of work. "The crazier, the more creative", seems to be the motto. But is that a criterion for a good picture? Are superb photos the result of a "creative process"? Let's say, someone is walking through a street with his camera (it doesn't necesseraly has to be a "real" photographer). Suddenly, something hits his or her eye. He or she takes his camera, points a the subject and presses the button. Seeing, pointing the camera and pressing the button happens all in one, it is one action. And voila, there it is, this absolutly unique moment, captured on film or on card, which might later on capture the public and become worldfamous. Of course, saying all this, I don't deny skill and technical knowledge, nor intuition and imagination, which usually helps. But the excellence of a photograph does not depend on it. Professional photographers will not like this, but I would maintain, that behind the most original photographs is precisely the absence of an entity called photographer, and therefore of any "creative process".

http://www.jpgmag.com/stories/1122

Weakness

2007-07-23T03:01:00.000+08:00

I tossed and turned in bed thinking and trying to deal with feelings I never thought I'd admit to. I hurt again. Disappointed, I try to process why all the stress and work is causing weird feelings and why I am all of a sudden so needy. I think I am defocused again, putting all my efforts into another fleeting white horse. I blame myself, for opening up, believing, setting such high expectations and spreading myself too thin. Again, I have lost my sense of self and my art and my balance. Alienating my needs, I'd always put other people i love ahead of me. Nurturing their crying pleas for help and sanity. Now Im teethering imbalance. I am being pulled into all directions and not towards whats good for me. I thought I had it figured out. Then, the knot in my stomach starts unrolling. Just like tonight. Just like the day I said, i believe in you.

Pablo's Poetry

2007-06-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

I want you to know one thing. You know how this is. If I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if i touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you as if everything exist, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail towards those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me, i shall stop loving you, little by little, if suddenly you forget me, do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad the wind of banners the passes through my life & you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where i have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day a flower climbs up your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved. And as long as you live it will be in you arms without leaving mine.

- Pablo Neruda -

9 crimes - Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan

2007-05-30T19:43:00.000+08:00

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright with you?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
With you...
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
He's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright with you?
No

(love this song.)

A Demi-Epilogue

2007-05-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

I am cutting ties again. I closed a chapter of another prolific period in my history. Today I realized a forgot an important event in an old friend's life and a cascade of old memories put a smile on my face. I will lock them up in my little chest of memories though along with a thousand others. What remains constant is that fire we all once shared, our little tete a tete in the fabric of life. We are destined to move around in circles and seek what hungers our souls. Time to paint on a new canvas. The old one has been painted over too many times.

Floating on words

2007-05-11T04:00:00.000+08:00

The sun shines on me today and I am happy. I'm surrounded by an insanely giddy crazy cloud of heartspace. Amazing how it just knocks you over like a whiff of fresh air, just when youre content with inhaling smoke. My mind tells me to focus, to get a grip, but this is too delicate to analyze. Words fail to describe this glowy orb i am running around with. Kinda like a highschool. Kinda like getting your first good rating on a theme paper. Or maybe getting a thumbs up from a respected nerdy classmate. Close but no cigar.

Intuition

2007-05-08T04:15:00.000+08:00

i am guilty of gut feel. i have this uncanny ability of sensing what those around me feel. i get anxious and lightheaded, sometimes even sweaty hands. No its not a big magical thing but it does hit me sometimes. It must be a gift. Right now i am channelling my inner thoughts into new work as i have been busy exploring the grid. For the past 3 days, ive spent healing my aching right hand from photoshoppin and cranking out the spring summer line. There are loads i havent released yet but i will in time. I care about these people I call friends. And they come first before anything else. Life is all about that.

The Gift of Eloquence

2007-05-07T04:39:00.000+08:00

"If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

All my life I've been fascinated with how a person expresses emotions. The most expressive seem to be those in touch with their core. If i sit down and shut out all noises, I can speak my mind with the honesty of a child. There is much to learn from artists who delve deep into the recesses of their emotional pot . They come out with brutality and sincerity. The kind that stings you because you echo the same feeling, yet you cannot say the right words. I aspire to be as expressive as those who are gifted with such eloquence. Until then, I will paint, smile, look and touch like this is the last day I am able to express myself.

On voice connection

2007-05-07T04:22:00.000+08:00

The music streams thru waves of broadband links. Accents dipping slightly, tenors rising higher than the rest. Each tone speaks volumes on who the person behind is. The fears, joys, the pain you cover up and most of all, the need for acceptance and love. I ponder greatly on how much we need to reach out and touch another man's life through sharing your life stories. A perfect utopia would be accepting the totality without an urge to express all thoughts. But not all notes are played out equally at the same time. One dip supports the crescendo of another. To fully understand the melody, you need to listen to the faintest whisper of the heart. For me, that makes the song complete.

Debussy - Claire de Lune

2007-03-23T03:43:00.000+08:00

Such beauty in each note, each crescendo on the piano keys blossom delicately. I love how it reminds you of sun in the trees, glistening on each leaf, reaching out to touch your face with its warmth. This morning, i listened and reflected on the heartspace ive nourished carefully this year. Claire de Lune streamed into the folds of my thoughts and it made me smile. I type to you with an unscathed faith in growth and love. Just as a dew drops into the pool on the ground, i peeled off each dissappointment with no regrets. In letting go, I am keeping you.

Highlighted Birthday Girl

2007-03-06T19:45:00.001+08:00

Highlighted Birthday Girl
Originally uploaded by osay magturo.

Last saturday, my sister and i got all dolled up and went to mar's bday party. We had a blast singing to Fame and What a Feeling. God, it feels good to have a real life again. Anyway, she required us to be in dresses and made up. What a huge change from the standard scruffy shirt and tsinelas at Sarah's every thursday. The bday girl looked awesome in boots. She's the diva with the pink printed dress next to me in the picture. Yay for being fabulously single, girl.

World Hold on..

2007-03-06T19:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, so im supposed to be reinventing my life this year. So i bought a new leather highback chair to support my internet business. For a long time, ive been sitting on a wooden dining chair bought from my 2005 trip to Vigan. Thanks to innovation, backaches are a thing of the past. I've crashed out on my chair two nights in a row. Cheers for back support and the supple pleather seat. I feel quite the slacker executive. I've decided also to move my boracay migration to a later date. I think its high time i think about a foreign trip. Menno took out my insecurities and promises I'll be in good hands. Gotta love my buddhameister in the Netherlandia. So now.. where to go?

The Recent Bora Trip

2007-02-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

Gah, I'm thinking of moving to Boracay. Today that thought is mounting a steady trot around my mind. Living a hermit-style affair in Manila, what can I possibly lose if I transfer all my biz to the wonderful island of activity and simple pleasures? Thanks to the Boracay trip, I realized a couple of things. One is that I should be celebrating my 30s with movement, stagnation and staying cooped up in my apartment renders me lifeless. Moving to the island will have me playing frisbee with the boys from Bom Bom Bar, meeting new folks with the constant influx of tourists and businesses, and finally, having a life I once had. I figured I should be learning new things by this time, like Kiteboarding. I can scuba dive at the drop of my hat. I can survive with only a small meal and produce more clothes than I can ever do. Inspiration will come from the real folks I am going to meet there. Oh yeah the wedding was a blast.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow

2007-02-25T04:50:00.000+08:00

Chiding myself for being wild and carefree, I stepped back into the reality with reluctance as soon as the door closed. Funny how it smacks you right when youre not looking. I was not expecting this to happen at all. All the time I thought I had an upperhand because i dared not close my eyes. Under the balmy moonlight, intoxicating words just fell on my deaf ears. I did not trust my instinct, instead I spooned into technique like a calculating kitten. I forced myself to just be in the "now", balancing reality with fantasy. Today flashbacks hit the unforgiving floor of my heartspace but I am happy. Parting was a happy sorrow with promises of the future and an open ended assurance that this was for the best. Maybe there will be more or maybe not, I already had an amazing time and that I am thankful for.

Shiny Toy Guns

2007-01-11T18:00:00.000+08:00

Shiny toy guns has captured my heart. Their poetry sings my current mood of late. They have the best album by far. Ive never been so inspired to write or create art or right my wrongs or choose the right fabric. I think I just lost myself in their electronica. Thank you Garbage.

Half past midnight.

2007-01-11T17:44:00.000+08:00

I am running, stumbling clumsily and impatiently adjusting my eyes to my surrounding. Rezzing slowly, the world beneath me changes with each step. my ground isnt stable and the night sky is casting its shadows on the pavement of my dreams. i dont know what im running from but i fear it might catch up with me. I duck into a corner, and light up a cigarette. Breathing in the calming smoke, i look out at the maddening crowd of life. I dont want to say what i will regret. Nor do I want to make a joke out of it. The life i once knew is now a fading charcoal sketch. Throwing a furtive glance at the ciggie i finished, I slide back into the night, stealthily avoiding puddles. And once again, I pick up my pace and run.

Turn to Real Life

2007-01-11T17:43:00.000+08:00

V1
Eyes are magic
See right through me
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life
Stars in the morning
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life...

V2
Now i'm glowing
Like a sunset
In the window
Of my dreams...
That turned to real life
I'll never forget when
For the first time--
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life

Chorus
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life
I'm a believer
For the first time
I can be beautiful
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life

V3
Your fingers running
Over my body
Makes me feel like
A silver angel
Under the moonlight
Right beside me
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life...

Run away with me

2006-12-16T07:10:00.000+08:00

Pain. Excruciating acknowledgement of how human we are and how helpless we can be. There are a million ways of avoiding pain. Yet we gravitate towards it like foolish ants to brown sugar. Delectable and bittersweet. Your world is spinning fast, and suddenly time stops, allowing you a moment to feel all the emotions running thru your heart. Run away with me, Pain says. Time stops its blissful moment. Words get caught up in your cotton mouth. Hesitation betrays fear. Fear betrays pain. And in that perfect moment, you are as human as you can be. Bravado is so 1980s.

couldn't sleep - milosh

2006-12-15T04:16:00.000+08:00

I didn't sleep all night

Made a phone call last night
I've been thinking about it all day
I made you cry last night
But it's okay cause I heard you say I love you

I floated in those words.
I dont even know why I feel what I feel
I dont even know why I think what I think.
I dont even know why I do what I do
I dont even know why I say what I say

You're making me nervous
It all falls apart
But its okay
It won't fall apart.

*Sharing with you some downtempo music lyrics from a wonderful artist called Milosh. Thanks for the love, a deep, honest to goodness real connection with folks who in just a few months are willing to know you a lifetime.

pixel lurrv

2006-12-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

Ive been witness to a whole lot of pixel love the past week alone. There's so much goin on and emotions are real in this seemingly contrite world. Afterall, you are most true to yourself when confronted with an avalanche of chatter. I watch with great interest as sweet events unfold before me. An affirmation of how beautiful you are beyond the presentation. Personality shines through and as my friend Saeya would say, heart space is the name of the game. I feel blessed to be a part of it all. Hopefully, good things like this would last us a lifetime of memories. One millisecond in this life, a pixel person loved and was loved.

Yay Fashionista

2006-10-03T19:06:00.000+08:00

I just opened my clothing shop in second life last sunday. And whoohoo ive got rave reviews from the fashionistas of second life.

Thank you guys! More to come pretty pretty soon!

http://pixelpinuponline.com/goodies/yummy-new-items-at-a-yummy-new-store-casa-del-shai-oh-la-la

a bit role

2006-08-22T15:10:00.000+08:00

Hey I am on ABC News.

Well, a millisecond of fame anyway. Watch out for my second life avatar in Regina Spektor's news clip. Im the tiny one sitting on the couch in black. So much for rubbing elbows with great women. Aimee Webber was there slinging her blue wings beside me.

Check me out here: Shai on ABC

At Last - Joni Mitchell

2006-08-22T13:51:00.000+08:00

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

At last the skies above are blue
My heart as wrapped up in clover
eversince the night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Ohh and you smile, you smile at me
And then thats how the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
I found my love at last

gaiety

2006-08-16T10:20:00.000+08:00

Why cant we all be gay and have mad senses of humor? I find that most folks never seem to be content with just goofing off. We feel the same intense emotions without the drama. As human beings, we are drawn to inflamed feelings as moths play about in the night. The mystery lies between the thin line of yin and yang. Do we think we can last long in this rollercoaster affair? I plead insanity.

sweet faith

2006-08-14T16:20:00.000+08:00

In an island far away, a little lady is perched on a moss covered rock, pondering about her journey for the day. Beyond her is a vast lush forest, shimmering with emerald silk and a vast crystal clear lagoon teeming with sea life. She picks up a pebble and blows on it, wishing with her warm breath. Her name she etched on the smooth surface with a smaller pebble. Closing her eyes, she puts the pebble down on her feet. The lady whispers a prayer of faith, then gingerly, almost guiltily, she plunges into the unknown. With sheer confidence, her heart clutched in her hand, she knows where she will land.

the stretch

2006-08-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

I need to let go of some standards. I have been dragging myself too slow and too hard. The evidence shows in my overall happiness index. He thinks I need to stretch my back a bit further. Who is to say this is too high or too far? I need some music in my life. There are times when the goin gets tough and my tough ass is not goin. Bewildered and confused about which direction to take, i allowed myself to sway with the wind with closed eyes. The humdrum of rainfall patters yet again on the glass pane.

pushing limits

2006-08-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

I have used up most of precious time dabbling in a game called second life. Mostly because my time only permits little interaction with my first. I obviously dont know much about the real one right now. It seems easier to be in touch with oneself when youre thinking before writing versus real live conversations.

Some of my friends have pitied me and my crazy existence. Ive shrugged it off and decided this the only way to learn. To immerse yourself in a world without borders. I have countless encounters with great many characters who have pushed my pretty envelope far more than anyone I have met in my first.

This is quite an exciting time to be in technology right now.

My Alternative Existence

2006-05-09T05:16:00.000+08:00

Its been months since i last updated this journal. I've been busy tinkering off projects after projects but still remaining the crazy, lunatic old me. I also have been pretty busy with an alt existence of late, spending hours connected with the world as i know it. Hoping you guys are fabulously seeing sunrises and sunsets at the beach while i waste away the summer, locked away. Miss the company guys, holler at me if you're free. Goin out for coffee, almost daybreak.

weekend

2006-02-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

uneventful this one. i cleaned up my pad as soon as woke up. did my inventory on what house stuff i needed. read a business book. finished my desperate housewives season 2. then watched brokeback mountain with the girls. we headed over to mass and bumped into a few friends. overall, its been nice. cant get enough of alone time these days. I am glad i didnt go to the beach.

i am missing something though.

conversations.

on marriage and change

2006-01-09T02:25:00.000+08:00

Someone said, "Dont enter into a relationship thinking you can change the other person. He will cheat if he cheated before he met you. He will never put on sunscreen even if he burned" The same chords, the same medium, about halfway across the world. It struck me that people are never satisfied with what they have. Aggravation will occur twice, three times before we realize we need change. True, marriage isn't going to move mountains. Whoever you are, you will go through tough times. Yet, I still believe faith will aid my hand when time comes for me to step up. If and when that happens, i'd guarantee you that my strength will come through.

Hedonism@29

2006-01-08T03:34:00.001+08:00

Ive about 5 books lying around in my pad to read not to mention dozens of whitepapers, powerpoints and ebooks to pour over. My schedule of late has been crazy, rushing off to satisfy hungry open mouths and the demands are brutal. I seem to have forgotten recreational pursuits. I'll be planning a disappearing act on my 29th birthday in about a week. Probably head out to the beach to dive. Or maybe just lay down under the sun with a great book in my skimpiest bikini. Get a foot massage.. Here are some of my ideas:
1. Fly out to an island, book a room in mandala spa & indulge with no apologies.
2. Buy myself an ipod video and hike up to a mountain in the south.
3. Get some wild mindblowing party to start off the countdown on the end of my fabulous decade
My friend thought of 30lbs to lose before he turns 30. Gave me an idea to write down 30 things to do before I turn the big three-oh. I will post that list soon here. In the meantime, I need some ideas for wednesday.

The Developer

2006-01-08T03:17:00.000+08:00

Ignorance is bliss yet Education is empowering. Change is constant. To create something with nothing may seem futile but its liberating. The medium is always different but the principles are the same. Its probably like tasting chocolate for the first time, or trying to tie your shoelaces in kindergarten. That first heartbreak or the initial thrill of losing at poker finds you scrambling for age old security blanket of indifference and apathy. My relationship with change kept surfacing lately and I personally find it very exciting. For a period of two years, my mind has struggled with inadequacy and a boredom slump. And now im confounded with the unknown. Frankly, I am at the edge of my seat, dipping my toes in cold foreign waters. I am a creator, a developer and like all ingenues, i feel the mystery is yet to unravel.

Pokermania

2005-12-27T01:51:00.000+08:00

Whats the deal with the new fad of pokerama these days? I have been trying my hand at it for the sake of tasting the new delicacy. A couple of games in a friends house had me winnning some and losing some. I find it quite tricky and subliminal. The face does it all and the bets say even more. One of the guy players had a ball losing his hand, just trying to figure out how other players deal their hand. The bets were small anyway. It's a bit like mahjong without the 'swimming' and clickety clacks of those beloved tiles. It reminded me of those girls night out playing mahjong and chit chat at my old place. Might organize a little mahjong/poker night soon at my new pad. crazy fun!

Time to lose the flabs

2005-12-12T01:47:00.000+08:00

Its that time of the year again. The annual " I will try to lose weight before the summer comes " period. I have been listening to more house music and it's enticing me to pull out my teeny weeny bikinis. It comes around the exact period of the holidays. I get that remorse after eating horrendous globs of food at wretched gatherings where they serve pica pica's like there's no tomorrow. I am resolving to go to the gym and get my training tomorrow. No excuses. I should quit smoking though. ack!

Bonjour Belles

2005-12-11T02:31:00.000+08:00

Four girlfriends went on a road trip to the lake today. Laughed our heads off on Bonjour Belle, hiking through the tropical rainforest and marvelling at the volcano by the lake. We went off to each gazebo, yakking about life and learning some french from Doyet. Cherry and Joanna were equally witty and provided comic entertainment all the time. I had to shoot some photos for work (Not again?!) but had a blast as well. We all wished we were diving today or sipping our margaritas by the beach. Oh well... but we had a full day catching up with lost chikkas and drinkin up the sun. Bellisimas on a roll! Cest pa grave..(?)

firefox rocks

2005-11-29T16:52:00.000+08:00

You're a Tiger in the wild world of love.

2005-11-21T11:35:00.000+08:00

Grrrr. Go get 'em, Tiger! You know what you want and how to get it. And with your powerful stealth and impressive attitude ? who are we to tell you otherwise? You're a natural predator in the lush jungle of love. With plenty of poise, power, and perfect timing, you'll charm the pants off any target you set your sights on. You've got beauty and grace that's irresistible to most who cross your path. Your territory is so well marked, it's not surprising that you sometimes can be a bit of a loner instead of hanging with the pack.

Sophisticated and discriminating, you set your standards high when out hunting for love. Trendy new hot spots are probably your typical habitat ? though any place you can find sleek, beautiful mates is good in your book. Your confidence and charm will certainly get your partner purring. And whether it's your bold patterns or the stealthy way you pounce, there's just something people can't resist about you.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/animal/result.jsp

Fiama Madonna

2005-11-20T03:32:00.000+08:00

Went out to a new bar tonight. Fiama - n. Italian for flame. A delicious white surprise filled with yummy looking eye candies. Felt old amongst nubile youth in absurd little miniskirts and posh shirts. The world is constantly changing but its great to bump into old friends like ahem Brad the hunk. Now that marriage talks and kids are the hot issues with my friends, I am horribly apathetic. The point of the matter is happiness is but a bubble of hope in a martini glass.

On other thoughts, I am forever searching for that new Madonna release - Confessions on a dancefloor CD. I heard she released four versions, a regular cd, a deluxe, and a long continuous mix cd. I waaaannnt! Madonna is such a dance diva guru, my childhood idol. Every girl wants to emulate her fabulous blondeness in a cowboy hat. I remember I had to have a lacey glove back when i was growing up. Poptart MTV generation.

photobloggin

2005-11-13T11:13:00.000+08:00

I've recently picked up on my photography again and im looking forward to your comments on it. view my art here: photography hodgepodge

random thoughts on a random day

2005-11-12T19:38:00.000+08:00

Vegetating today with my sis. Im trying my hardest not to go out and party as i am in need of rest. Saturday finds me cooking bagnet and steak dinner for my beloved sister. Lazy november weekends are bliss. Just came home from two straight weekend gigs of divemastering aboard the MY Tristar and the MY Luisa. Great to know new people (koreans, germans, swiss, americans, belgians and a spaniard) and find the world is ticking away, teeming with possibilities. My dive gear will be in storage for awhile till the waters turn warm again. I'm strangely looking forward to a Siargao christmas.

http://www.surigaoislands.com

colorquiz

2005-11-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

osay took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Her need to feel more causative and to have a wide..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

my humble abode

2005-10-17T00:48:00.001+08:00

the living area

the kitchen

and my lovely pandora's box

Hiding in a cave

2005-10-16T01:55:00.000+08:00

A client recently remarked about my current inexistence in the social world. He goes, what are you hiding in a cave? I was miffed and possibly mortified by that concept. Yes, I believe I am hiding in a cave. Despite the fact that I have been gaining momentum in my career, I was horribly losing control of the outside world. My 28 year old life is revolving around work, internet, television and my family. I have a non-conventional body clock which ticks off at 4am and wakes up at 10am. I should be celebrating my single girl living alone phase, instead, i am furnishing my pad with fervor. Have a look at my new living room extragavanza, only 3 people have seen it live.

molten lava

2005-10-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

on fire
Originally uploaded by owsai.

a sight to behold on our way home. ilocos skies aglow with embers of fire. solitude and strength make searing love with the heavens above, as we wade gingerly into the pools of fire. the sun bids us farewell as she turns up her dark covers of the night.

vigan

2005-10-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

Cobblestones
Original Photos by owsai.

Glorious Vigan with the whitewashed walls and the calesas. Went shopping for furnitures and fab pieces de resistance for my new condo. La Union to Vigan and then Baguio, all in a weekend of fun filled whims and surprises.

Peek into the memoirs at Vigan Longganiza

tears

2005-10-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

i dont think we should condone the sadness in life. i like being sad. it brings out so much reality and wisdom in people. so much creativity in that small little emotion called a tear. not that i am sad now. its pensive my mood of late. dreams torn from a child. an imogen song. a conversation spent under the rain. laudible poetry and great epic stories revolved around the absence of joy. no one has ever admitted to liking it but its real. it knocks you over and brings out so much in your human soul. i like tears.

buzz

2005-09-29T19:09:00.000+08:00

in heady throes of ardor and delirium, images flash in snapshots of black and yellow light. she musters enough courage to turn this madness into certainty. the mind plays with poker face admonition. then it slows down to a steady trot. her hands seek the supple smoothness of her egyptian sand box with delight. somewhere down the hall, strains of soulful music reach into the night.

Prose and Pets

2005-09-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

Its been a dry spell on my writings lately. Over the past month ive been trying to get myself reorganized on work and business issues that i forgot about my boo. The heat breathing down my own neck has got me neglecting my prose. But everythin is well. I have recently decided to adopt a yellow labrador. An ex prom date gave me his last puppy to take care of. And i am ecstatic. I decided over the weekend to shine my love on a pet. We'll be meeting tomorrow on our first date. Hopefully, I will fall in love with him and his puppy dog face. Love is always good.

poetry and music by imogen heap

2005-09-20T12:37:00.000+08:00

where are we? what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
spin me around again and rub my eyes this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first

oily marks appear on walls, where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still alive

hide and seek trains and sewing machines?
oh, you won't catch me around here
blood and tears they were here first

mm what you say, oh that you only meant well, well of course you did
mm what you say, mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what you say, that IT'S JUST what we need, you decided this
mm what you say, what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit

hide and seek

Blog things

2005-09-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Sarah Maclachlan

2005-09-12T02:56:00.000+08:00

I discovered her latest album. Bloom (Remixed - released Sept 6, 2005) I am floored by her vocal expertise. Her candor and her sheer talent. astounding. i am tempted to buy her iTunes originals album. This is such a treat on a monday morning.

The Urbz and urban madness

2005-09-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

I cant believe how bored i am today. I got home at 4am and played ps2 till sunlight (or till i fell asleep and forgot about the game). Bleh, i went home wanting to spend some quality family time with my siblings. But i found the house empty save for a little note that said " Hi ate, we're leaving for Bataan this weekend. Have fun with Urbz!". So there i was practically wasting a sunny sunday in bed with a darn playstation to keep me company. Sheesh, you work 5 days a week on a computer and spend your weekend on one as well. Talk about geekiness. Where is the human comfort? Where is family? Where is the love?

Anyway, two good friends of mine broke up with their respective boyfriends last week. There i went holding their tear stained hands, mouthing off comfort words of break up wisdom. Suddenly I felt like a guru of sorts. Girls just sometimes need affirmations of strength and validations of feelings. One had to pencil down a memo to herself in her own right palm. It said, enough is enough. I cant cry no more. And that we did, spent the wee hours of the morning dancing our toes in an empty club. Forget all our troubles, forget the madness. Fill yourself with love, o little girl.

my inititation as a shutterbug

2005-09-06T00:32:00.000+08:00

please check out my new photoblog on flicker..

Boracay Habagat

boracay on flicker flicker...

is it a sin to love life?

2005-09-03T03:37:00.000+08:00

a lot of things have happened. so many people ive met past few months. im not sure how my new single life would go on. i think im doing well. on the brink of the rink and loving it. about a year ago, you wouldnt have caught me dead painting the town red. But here i am, catching the rays of the sun. i am in love with life. the possibilities are endless. im happy its over. my soulful mourning. I am glad i am in this state, probably couldve taken me years. i must be lucky; its in the stars to be where i am today.

nothing's gona change my world

2005-09-02T14:49:00.000+08:00

please read in my private diary. hehehe!

Back from Bora

2005-09-01T18:31:00.000+08:00

im glad i went back to paradise. some new developments, a ferris wheel in the middle of d' mall, new shops, new faces, old friends. nice to see them again on this trip. this time, i can hangout, sit back and get massages in the very place i thought i am not welcome. my boracay family; although its been awhile since i last saw them, i dont think i can ever let them go. they pat me on the back all the time. this is a friendship im willing to cherish. no doubt. i am comfortable enough to say .. i luv you bra!

rolling with the homies

2005-08-29T01:45:00.000+08:00

so far so good, july and august has been productive. I am trying to slow down on the night outs as the past couple of months have gotten so crazy with all these fil-am friends getting pieces of me. just sent leiza off to canadian elkdom with a kiss. chris came and got off with a sweet smile. jeff shuffled his way out thinking it sucked here, realizing now how fun it is in da PI. he'll be mackin come october and imma take care of this sweetie like no other homie. (check it out, these peeps just bring back the valley girl speak in me :P) I swear, its a job entertaining balikbayans. they just wanna go everywhere. so now i welcome september renewed with a vigor. ive come to terms with my hiphop past. next stop, bangkok with the betts.

footspah chutzpah

2005-08-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

today i treated myself to a pamper-ama at the nail spa in gamboa. its absolutely fantastic to plop down on a pristine overstuffed couch and let the angels do the primping. Allowing myself the indulgence, i sat there like there was no tomorrow. time to play catch up with some local fashion magazine reading. i pored over 4 months of preview mag, amazed at how one of my best gay friend had turned the magazine around with his magic wand. so proud of him being the new creative wizard. this is the time of his life. I remember when we used to frolick around shopping, shooting friendster pics, bitching & painting the town red. i totally miss his zest for art. im putting my bucks on that one, he's gona conquer the world. 3 hours later, i step out of the salon with the full intent of catching up with him tomorrow.

a night at ponticello

2005-08-27T17:15:00.000+08:00

I made small talk with a chef and his boy last night. It got me to thinking about the male species' fascination in game play for the promise of seduction in the end. i sat there and pondered how youth can make you oblivious to the horrid stench of a player. frustration, deceit, mindplay, flirtation, all boils down to an existential level. Funny how each is played differently from one tableau to another. a flick of a come-hither hand, a whisper, a smile.. and the girl is whisked away to deviousness in a dark stairwell. Lucky the gal with enough self respect to play him back as hard. Smarting really bad from frustration, the guy walks back towards his next prey. I observe them with enthused interest.

the return to paradise

2005-08-27T16:53:00.000+08:00

ive agreed to return to the island with a friend. to take off for a much needed break. to acknowledge what wronged me before is still a paradise. to discover why ive been putting blame to a life i really wanted. the thought scares me that the people i used to know, the places i used to go will haunt me. i went back to paradise last summer and practically snubbed everyone. its not a very adult thing to do but who cares. youre human. you feel. so now i shall return and see what my heart would feel. i must admit defeat to the battles within me. and applaud to my growth in wisdom. somewhere, you know you have changed. no need to try and test your wills. the love you have for the island will always be there unconditionally.

gypsy feet

2005-08-23T00:37:00.000+08:00

the past whirlwind of events struck my life like offtune key. somehow im knocked back into my humdrum phase. my work has taken a back seat, my partners are pleading for me to take a break. i need a diversion. spent the whole sunday rolling in my queen size bed (fit for a queen) lazing away from sunrise to sunset. im lost indefinitely. i long for some excitement. somewhere to go. a well needed trip to where my feet will take me. i dont know where but i want to spin into some obscure place where people wont chuck their tongues and banish me for my eccentricities. should i just drop everything and go?

dating

2005-08-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

little is known about the dating scenarios. ive been thrown in a few circumstances the past two weeks. never thought it would appeal to me. no commitments but a cup of coffee or a glass of vodka. endless chats without divulging much of yourself. no innuendos or careless hinting at relationships. it is as you like it. i really dont respond well to blatant advances. i would rather talk about the other person's life. i am curious like a child. but when he actually pulls a trick over me, id be running out the door in no time. i really dont think im ready to open up in that way. or maybe he just needs to press the right buttons. :P

finally the world is turning

2005-08-19T00:57:00.000+08:00

today i am envisioning greatness in the air. there was a few nick and tucks along the way. the partners had to be knocked on the head countless times. but as of last nights meeting, we are rolling. something i never thought they would do. and in anycase, there is retribution. the work speaks volumes. i love it.

my baby big bro

2005-08-12T04:31:00.000+08:00

beneath the tough guy exterior, lies a softie at heart. definitely the strong silent type who'll laugh off our sisterly squabbles as petty & inconsequential. i am proud of my baby brother. he's gona chart greater heights, climb better mountains, skid through tsunami waves. i miss diving, surfing, hangin out, shopping with him. take me out on a date! hahaha! i love him more than he'll ever know.

he grew up too soon. i dont think i even saw it coming. now i stand in utter disbelief, in shock and pleasant surprise. look how he has grown. he who thinks everything in this lifetime will soon pass. i regret not being able to spend time with him growing up. was out charting my own heights.

there's a calming effect when he's around. like nothing really matters. like everything will fall into place with him driving. with him on my side. i want to tell him i love him but sometimes, he can be so far away. you dont know whats going on in his mind. sometimes he scares me, i worry about him. i wish he could open his heart to me coz i really want to understand.

tumbling and turning

2005-08-10T02:11:00.000+08:00

tumbling like a wisp of dandelion in the air
the weed of uncertainty and conviction
attempting to mend pieces of a promise
a semblance of order, a string of preconception
constantly turning in one direction
the clockwork of a master in disguise

tumbling along an empty highway
the seeds of naivete and optimism
pushing forth like tufts of baby hair
a semblance of truth, maybe condescension
hanging on every ounce of this potent potion
the dreams unfold with decadence as a price

underneath all that

2005-08-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

dont you sometimes yearn for that time alone to hang with yourself? to see what your soul is up to. to peel open the scabs of muck you've put up to protect yourself from the rest of the world. to find out why you didnt scream with glee the day you actuallly met with fate? I do. I rarely have that freedom to appreciate my soul and feed it with beautiful melodies. oftentimes, we are surrounded with worldly stimulation and idiosyncrasies that we forget about nurturing our deepest core. in my heart, i vow to undo all jaded reasoning i've put up as defense. i vow never to take my gut feel for granted. underneath all that, lies my raw and tempered soul gingerly opening her arms to life.

blogaholic virus strain

2005-08-09T02:58:00.001+08:00

instructions: things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. what lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? make a list, post it to your journal... and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it to theirs.

what's mine?
1. turn up my house music and poi my life away
2. blogwriting ( i know, i know..) and journal writing
3. read CSS, HTML and w3 tips on webdesign
4. snapping pictures away on my new dslr cam
5. spending a whole afternoon rolling blissfully in my bed

i hereby pass on the virus to Carmen Chris Jaycee Pretty Oshie

Green is the color

2005-08-09T02:45:00.000+08:00

today God answered my deepest prayers. i went to mass the other day with a friend and prayed my darndest for this seemingly unnattainable wish. yesterday i cried and vented it out to a friend, felt like at the end of my string. today that wish came true. He came through. i love Him with all my heart. kinda feeling like i stroked a clover leaf, I had to share this with everyone. green is the color of my day today. religiously speaking, its a "seek and you shall find" moment right now. I am blessed with immunity. I'll rise and nothing can keep me down.

in sickness of avenue q

2005-08-09T02:33:00.000+08:00

finally getting sick of avenue q. we've sung our hearts out accapella, in the car, in the bathroom, during thursday group sessions..yes, its a sickness. today ive put the playlist out of my system and tried to move on. the frustration on not being able to see it live sent me reeling to acquire a pirated copy from a sneaky ass who taped the whole performance. Bad Bad Sneaky B***ch. how can greenhills beat that? still, im wasting my dollars on a vegas/new york show anyway. I must see john tartagliano perform. there are scenes you gotta see live and its not even on the soundtrack. in sickness and in smitteness, its a commitment to my past life as a ham..must see..avenue..q..

Wired on a leash

2005-08-06T03:35:00.000+08:00

whats up with coffee and cigarettes? they've resurfaced in my life again as my conversation/creative staple. Ive always been fond of downpours, steaming cup of coffee and a pack of cigs. today was no exception. grays and blues dotted my whole day. being a totally brain drained geek, I headed out on a date with an old college pal. Had so much fun listening to his stories. such a character this guy. madly in love with his job. I kinda miss hangin out with people who had passion in life like him. It is an indulgence to love what you do and earn moolah from all of it. I am madly in love with mine and hopefully achieve trump status with it. For now im content with passion, life, friends and the sheer happiness of being myself. This is the life.

Pink Life of Yelli

2005-08-05T17:20:00.000+08:00

Always follow what?s in your heart
Always listen to what?s inside
Always fly high and don?t come down and don?t come down
Push yourself all over the limit
Push your mind and help with the spirit
Push it well you never thought you could go right
And never come down, and never come down

On Mice and Men

2005-08-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

When posed with a question on the differences between the butch and the dawg, i balk, stutter and grope for words to describe this new found preference of being. The recent discovery of the male species is akin to having your first taste of salt water. You don't know if you'll like it but it hurts your eyes, liquid and fluid, completely mesmerized. It's somehow satisfying a deeper need. My only request for indecent yet intelligent conversations has gotten me transfixed into this game of flirtation. I thought i had lost all interest and technique. I am happy to know its as easy as riding a bike. Always something to uncover beneath rough exteriors, I bat my eyelash while i balk, stutter and grope for the nearest mouse hole at daybreak.

Johnny, Jack and Vodka Redbull

2005-07-29T20:02:00.000+08:00

my recently acquired taste for men has led me into tumultuous state of surprises. so now im dipping my fingers into the rocks of gold elixirs and cherry flavored juice. i love how it gives you a heady buzz on the second sip, the first will always be awkward. an acknowledgement of how the rest of the night will be. Once the tongue reaches contact with the cold liquid, it rips your curiousity and asks for more. i like how the glass sweats into beads of cold perspiration into my hands.funny, how intimidating it looks from the outside. must be some kind of hallucination. i must be drunk. =P

Kissing Bliss

2005-07-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

Your Kissing Purity Score: 6% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk.

You're in a permanent lip lock.

Kissing Purity Test

Pink is the colour

2005-07-29T02:02:00.000+08:00

Today i had some great compliments on my blog writings. Im happy to think i can have a career writing all these private thoughts online. While i was in the Agency, I thought i couldnt write for shit. Had to scrounge around for snappy lines and bite-backs. Copywriting wasnt my forte. Of course, being an art director wasnt all that either. But the agony of putting ideas into words was not a piece of cake. Believe you me, the work was always about the copy in that agency. And the pressure was unnerving. Well, i learned a couple o tricks to live by but m happy where i am right now. Just sharing random ramblings intermittently. Maybe some day i can write a great novel, or maybe a short story.. a really short story, haha! But for now, im polishing the my journalism. who knows?

Glad you guys enjoyed my thoughts. But it would be best to shoot the breeze in person. Gimme a holler if you want some good conversations. Im all up for that.

Pink is the colour of my life today.

Bliss

2005-07-28T03:48:00.000+08:00

Rain drops. Rain stops. i look out the window and see darkness. Rain pours. i think of what i'd do to get there. Things do really work out for the better. I sigh and take a long drag out of my cigarette. Smoke billows out of an airless room. I wish i was back in college where dreams were optimism in a glass shell. I turn back to my screen and view pictures of what i did for the last four years. Punctuation leaves marks on endings and beginnings. Rain splashes on the window sill. I look down at all the undoings of my youth and smile. Rain. Water. Tears.. worth every spilling on dry land.

brewing a cup a joe in an island

2005-07-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

My excitement is brewing in the air right now. We had just finished a long teleconference with our agent/client in san francisco. Looks like we are off to a good start. Im hoping everything falls into place, price, processes and correspondence. I am definitely in it for the long haul. No ifs or buts. I dont think anyone can dissuade me from my track right now. Im like the ocean's currents; strong, steady and unweilding. I hope we got the blessings of Him up there. Ryt about now, i dont give a hoot about my personal life. My baby is growing big-time! And im on the edge of a cliff about to jump down head first.

The Island

I am actually disappointed at the ending. It felt like reading an Ayn Rand novel but ended in the same old Hollywood ploy; Adam & Eve saving the world. Id rather read Harry. But the setting was great, the production design is fabulous. Reminded me of Howard Roark's modern lines and minimalistic principles. I love how Ewan smirks and copies himself so well. Such a cutie. Scarlett was one dimensional though. Must be the blonde hair which doesn't suit her, IMHO. Its still an interesting story despite the usual "you & me against the world" theme. And top off the night of chasing those characters around in obscenely fortuitous events, they had to finish it with a crowd in white, wandering amidst a Nevada dessert background - how MTVish! Where r the backstreet boys? Haha!

My Harry Potter Alter Ego

2005-07-24T15:25:00.000+08:00

You scored as Hermione Granger. You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

Hermione Granger

85%

Severus Snape

80%

Harry Potter

80%

Ron Weasley

75%

Albus Dumbledore

65%

Ginny Weasley

65%

Sirius Black

65%

Draco Malfoy

55%

Remus Lupin

40%

Lord Voldemort

40%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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the only thing permanent is change

2005-07-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

How many people have held onto certain things because they thought it defines them? There are dreams we share with our friends and live by it till death. But my personal take on that, every single thing in life is just temporary. All the pain, the joys and the aspirations change every time we encounter new people. Everytime the sun touches your face, you develop a new thought, a new principle. I can't be the same person I was early this morning. Who said you will ever be the same after college? You trudge all the paths, problems and compromises. Nothing is ever yours to keep. Love, Life, Work, and Happiness. All you gotta do is keep a small mirror of who you are one second ago and move on with a better smile on your face.

There's a Fine, Fine Line

2005-07-18T23:13:00.002+08:00

(Music from the Broadway Musical Avenue Q)
Kate Monster singin'

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away... Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

My current l'amour with Avenue Q

2005-07-18T23:13:00.001+08:00

I am infatuated with Avenue Q the musical. I promised myself to fly to Noo yohk and see this by next year. Its like Rent but lighter, Sesame Street on steriods - talk about unemployment, homosexuality, racism and drunken puppet ****. check it out: www.avenueq.com. I am a fan!

Desperate Housewife Wannabe

2005-07-13T19:44:00.000+08:00

Congratulations! You are Gabrielle Solis, the
ex-model with everything she's every wanted a
rich husband, a big house and John, the
17-year-old gardener.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
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Global timezones

2005-07-13T16:43:00.000+08:00

My body clock has been adjusting to the San Francisco timezones for the past week or so. And my social life has been affected. Now i get up at late morning, drink coffee, work on emails, blogs, voip calls, intranets, tasks till 4 in the morning. How is it possible to survive such a call center life when you're bustling with vibe and energy?

On the other hand, my techie-geekiness has been thriving. Ive recently discovered the wonders of Online Meeting and viewing other people's screens remotely (voyeurism rulz!). Now im learning some cool new tricks from my clients.

Lola

Other matters, my lola just died today at 8am this morning, 4pm PST (LA Time) in their apartment in the states. Sad and unhappy incident since I cant get my ass over there. My poor parents took care of her these past 5 years. Sigh! i am the bereaved first grand child, and we shared lots of memories of going to Bustillos and St. Anthony while i was a kid. Go to your peace now, Lola. We love you so much.

alcoholic stupor

2005-07-05T17:08:00.000+08:00

talking to a friend earlier and gave me a rundown on how i am in alcoholic stupor. he goes and tells me to take a hike off it for a while. i keep getting plastered these days from too much too soon. i hate how i keep askin for more when i shudnt. i dont really particularly like alcohol. just gives me juice to get loose and talk more. but when it starts, i cant stop. and when its time to stop & i almost pass out, i still walk out straight-faced and with a glass in tow. =P

bummer day

2005-07-05T17:00:00.000+08:00

today we finally finished work on the website. and for that i missed out on a reaaally important lunch meeting with my partners. im bummed. i seriously and honestly forgot about it and im ashamed.

sheesh, pile up on the guilt trip. my young life feels like its goin downhill today. i am not in focus. my personal life is in tatters, my business life is blooming, my family life is nil.gotta open up my horizons. bummer bummer day.

on fire poi's, world music and flickering fire fairies

2005-07-04T13:23:00.000+08:00

wanna poi?

we hung out last night, dancing poi and drinking at dyesi di's house last night. For the first time since i tried it, i was able to dance three consecutive songs with all the moves they taught me. it was awesome. just feeling the music and reversing moves on the sly. yelli played a great putumayo cd and we each had our moments under the spotlight, dancin to the beat of the drums. learned a new trick, fire fairy. ogs sed to practice it first thing in the morning so muscle memory is fresh.

flicker, flicker..

course, mishy thought of this great new drinking game.. so there i got fish-faced and wankered until 3am when i distinctly remember glimpses of stupor; yelli handing me a ciggy,mishel and dyesi walking me to the door, mishy driving me home and tuckin me to bed. serves me right for mixing my poison. this mornin, woke up to gatorade and more orange juice. argh!

what a wonderful world

2005-07-02T20:55:00.000+08:00

discovered a wonderful artist called israel kamakawiwo'ole, soothing velvety voice over simple chords on his ukelele. I am a fan. his work wasnt included in the 50 first dates soundtrack. but i found him again in meet joe black. i am bowled over, must be love.

discovered how hi-speed internet can change your life, from partying all about town to sitting prettily, typing away on your laptop like a geek. i am loving it.

discovered the joys of cooking for yourself. now im grilling a rib eye steak for chowing down dinner infront of my laptop. Geekiness rulez!

discovered the wonderful world of writing thoughts on a journal again, thinking of having a pet, and a ukelele in the next few months. I think its about time i head out to san narciso or la union for some surf time.

discovered how hanging out with your sister makes my creativity flow like a gushing waterfall. made two webdesigns just by sitting down with her and talking like there's no tomorrow. were friends again, i relish that. i love her to death.